I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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