I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
