I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
