wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
