I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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