I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
