So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
