Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
