you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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