Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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