I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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