Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
