Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
