So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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