The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
