So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
