Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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