I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
