I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
