I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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