I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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