I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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