How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
