she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
then he tried to convert me to islam
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
