I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize