ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Houston, we have a squirter
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
