So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
