I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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