just tell him i said nine months
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
