Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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