After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
