I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
