think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
