Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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