her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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