i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
