i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
false alarm, still single
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