he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
