I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize