they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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