ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
