he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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