I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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