I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize