I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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