talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
