I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
