sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
