corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Watching her eat just hurts me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
