you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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