Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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