Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
