hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
