We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
