I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
