If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My dick has a subreddit
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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