so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
