You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
