Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
