I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
