I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
