I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
