Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
