Nicole vs. Life
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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