Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
