I accidentally had phone sex last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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