the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
