take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
