i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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