I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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