Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You're like the curious george of whores
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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