Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
