Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize