every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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