she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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