my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
