If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
